I feel like I am on a parenting roll lately. I don’t mean that I think I am being a brilliant, worthy of writing a book, parent. But perhaps I am improving and hopefully am not damaging my kids psychologically!
Loving my boys…
I have discovered a book…”The 5 Love Languages of Children”. I had heard of this book for a while and it had been recommended by a few people, but still I didn’t get it for about a year. I finally bought it, but have been bogged down with books on dyslexia and dyscalculia. Long story short…I FINALLY read it and got the boys to do the online test. In essence it says that every child (and every person) has their own way of giving and receiving love – their primary love language. There are 5 love languages, and it is important to know your child’s primary love language. They are:
#1: Physical Touch
#2: Words of Affirmation
#3: Quality Time
#5: Acts of Service
For example, it is pointless giving your kids reams of kisses and cuddles if their primary love language is ‘Word of Affirmation’. It is more important to my middle boy that I tell him how great he is, how well he is doing, and using positive words, than trying to smother him with kisses. It also means we have to be very careful with how we use negative words because they cut to the core!
For my oldest, his love language is ‘Time’. He would prefer that we spend time with him, and give him our time. And the youngest is equal in “Words of Affirmation” and “Physical Touch”, but he is adamant it is “Physical Touch” as he loves a smooch. I have a feeling that “Word of Affirmation” will take over as he gets older and doesn’t want to sit on the couch cuddling his Mum!
Just knowing this and reminding ourselves of it has already made a difference in our house. If you would like to get your kids to do the test, go to…
I think we are bow on a winner knowing that Max has dyslexia and dyscalculia. The change in him is amazing, and he is much more willing to say “I don’t know what you mean”, and I am more patient in explaining what I mean. I also feel like knowing our boys primary love language is helping out with education. Using encouraging word of affirmation that is not doubled up with negative comments makes a huge difference at homework time. And also knowing that Max’s love language is ‘Time’ ties in beautifully with helping him with his school work. It is all about time for him and his dyslexia provides opportunities to practice that love language.
I feel like we have finally found Ed and Arch’s passion (it has only taken 12 & 8 years!!). The realisation set in when I automatically signed them up for soccer, paid all the fees (ugh!), and realised they hated it. I kept dragging them there because they needed to do something (didn’t they? That’s what everyone says don’t they? Kids need to do SOMETHING…hmmmm…maybe not). So, we finally pulled them out of soccer and started BMX. Not once did we have to drag them there. They love it and are always so disappointed if it is cancelled due to rain. I had actually never seen such enthusiasm for a sport in any of my boys. Then came motorbikes. They always wanted to give motorbikes a try. They got a little monkey bike for Christmas, which is continually breaking down, but they love it. As part of Arch’s birthday and buying him MX clothes from a motor bike shop, the shop invited us down to the motorbike track to give motor bikes a try. The boys LOVED it. Our time is now spent googling motorbikes, types, power, costs etc.
So while I was feeling a bit smug about Ed & Arch having a passion, I told Max (who was hating being at the motor bike track, hated the noise and the smell) that he needed to try something new in the next 6 months. It didn’t have to be a sport, but just an interest. He was very reluctant…until he noticed someone flying a control line model plane in the field next to the motor bike track. We went and watched for a while (because I was happy to get away from the noise and smell of the motor bikes too!), and he really wants to give that a try!
I tell you…I think I am on a parenting roll…don’t tell anyone thought because it will come back and bite me!!