General frantic life

what a fraud…

People often say to me “your kids are so lucky to have you as a Mum”. This is usually when I talk about what research I am doing and meetings I am having at school for Max and his dyslexia and dyscalculia. Or when I am talking about Ed and what I am doing to ignite his passions and capture his imagination. Or with Arch… I actually don’t know what I say about Arch or do for him, but he is pretty cute.

I am not saying this because I think I am a shit hot parent, but because I feel like a fraud. You don’t see me when I am tired and grumpy and get cranky at them for every little thing. Or say something to them that really needs to go in the bad parenting book (that is one thick book at my house people). Or just say ‘NO’ to everything purely because I cannot be bothered with the effort that goes with saying ‘yes’.

I do a lot of research on behalf of my children. I draw up charts of what they should be doing, and when they should do homework, practice music and develop their skills in artistic pursuits. But it really does stop there. I don’t get around to the actual ‘doing’ of it. I know my kids should be doing more activities (because we do none, not a one, zilch), but I like them hanging about all day Saturday in their pj’s. And I like not having plans on a weekend. Or after school.

I am the master of giving my kids a guilt complex. I think about when I am old and what my kids will say about me. I think it will be…’my Mum could make me feel so guilty that all she had to do was look at me in a disappointed way…’ And that was me tonight when I felt that one, or all, children did not appreciate me sufficiently. I did manage to make one tear up when I made him feel that perhaps he wasn’t valuing my skills in the home or workplace. And really, why should he give a shit about my skills in the workplace? Now that my friends, is a real skill!

So when friends or people at work say to me “He is so lucky to have you as a Mum”, I feel so guilty and point out to them that they don’t see all the terrible things that I do as a mother and they only hear the things that I am willing to put out there publicly…
Does anyone else do this or feel this way, or is it really just me who should be putting these things in the ‘bad mother book’? I might make some money from that book one day…either that, or go to jail…

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Sunday Chores…

Today is Sunday, and I have spent the day doing something that I have put off for the last few weeks. *ahem*, OK.  For the last few months…putting away all the clean clothes that sit in basket in the middle of our living area.  I think it is appropriate that they are in the middle of the living area, because it makes it so much more convenient to get pour clothes each morning. Friends talk about their ‘floordrobe’.  Well, this is our ‘basket-drobe’, though floordrobe sounds better!

It feels so great to have this all done. For a moment I am one of those people.  You know the people.  The ones that are organised with a clean house and they never have to apologise for it.  Are you one of those people?  But sadly it is short lived.  I have a load of washing in the dryer, and another in the washing machine…

Getting these clothes put away led me to cleaning out my wardrobe, which made me learn a few things about myself.

  • I have many pairs of pyjamas.  None of which I actually bought for myself.  They have all been gifts.  No more pj’s please.  And I still wear an old t-shirt to bed!
  • I must have the largest collection of Diesel jeans known to man (& woman). I have bought all these online because Diesel jeans from a retailer are ridiculously expensive. Of the approx. 7 pairs of Diesel jeans, I would say that 1 pair fits me.  And they are the ones I wear on a daily basis.
  • The collection of Diesel jeans is followed closely by my collection of white t-shirts. And yes, every single one has a stain that renders it useless for wearing in public.
  • I have also ended up with a big pile of clothes to go to the Salvos.  Most of those came from the Salvos to begin with, and the rest were hand my downs from my sister.  I like to reduce, reuse and recycle!

After weeks of struggling every morning to find clothes to wear to work, I was being reduced to wearing the same thing every day. I now know that I have heaps of clothes, and I actually know where they all are.

My fear is that in the morning I still won’t be able to work out what to wear to work, because I have too much choice!

What are you doing with your Sunday?

 

….Come on summer, start already…

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boys night out…with Mum…

I am single mumming it this week while Richard is away.

I was driving home from work tonight and thought I just could not face cooking dinner, so when I got home I floated the idea of eating out. Two out of three boys voted yes, so majority rules, and we decided to go out for Chinese.

It started with a trip to the bottle shop – for me, not the boys! Whilst in the queue Arch, who is my ever-loving boy, decided to tell me he loved me. He is divine and I think it melted the heart of everyone in the queue. He was a bit embarrassed with the comments.

Then off to Chinese. And how lucky are we to run into friends who were also having a family dinner at the local Chinese (*waving* hi Derek and Kara).

After dinner we stop in at the local IGA for dog food and treats for us. I’m saving mine to eat in bed while reading a book.  I am such a party girl.

Boys came home, gobbled their treats and are now on a sugar high.

An hour past their bed time and they are still up, enthralled, watching ‘Redesign your brain’…at least it is educational…

I loved my boys company tonight. They are funny, smart, adoring, adorable, and annoying – all in one.

A big night out with Mum…

Thankful Thursday at its best…

 

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full as a goog…

Wow my head has been full lately (which has made me absent from my beloved blog). Full of what? There are a few people (who may or may not be related to me) who would say ‘not much’!

But it’s true. My head is full.

Full of dyslexia and dyscalculia – so much time spend researching and trying to create ways to help him learn and show him that he has an ability rather than a disability).

Full of meetings with teachers and working out plans for the next year.

Full of work and going through a merger that leaves me see-sawing between ‘this sucks’ and ‘this will be great’. I’m sitting on the fence at the moment.

Full of trying to work out ways to get our house renovated before it falls down around our ears.

Full of trying to instil in the boys how important it is to have goals and be working towards something. Anything.

Full of just trying to get the boys ready for school before I go to work.

Full of working out how to fulfil my own personal goals and feed my creative outlets and needs.

Full of trying to get a vegie patch going that I haven’t looked at for 3 weeks.

Full of trying to be an involved mother who is creating memories and a strong value base within my children.

Full of trying to get the motivation to start exercising and lose weight (this is on my mind more than I would like. It looks like I will actually have to exercise! OMG).

Full of worrying about those 3 boys, and their health, wellbeing and happiness.

So full, that sometimes I have to pull the plug and let it all empty out. I think that now is one of those times. Drain all the thinking, and let it just be…

Phew…

 

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^^^Time for another outing I think…

Hurrah for the weekend…

What a week! The company I work for is merging with another company, with the leaders from the second company coming in to run our company (a takeover of sorts – if that makes sense at all). A part of this is that I have been in a strategy planning meeting for the last 2 days with managers from each organisation planning a way forward. Going down this path has raised so many thoughts and questions, particularly since I don’t know if I will have a role in this new entity. And then begs the question, do I even want a role in this new entity?

I have been going on this journey for the last couple of months, and it has created so many situations and interesting (& bizarre) scenarios that I would love to blog about, but just can’t until things at work are formalised and finalised. But in six weeks’ time, look out for my rants and insights about the world of merging companies and the effect on the people involved!

So what am I doing in the meantime whilst I am in limbo?

Pondering priorities – what is really important in this one life that we get?
Feeling grateful – for my good health and the health of the people who I love.
Looking at all my options – is this an opportunity to following my passions, or make a change that provides better balance? Are there other options available that I haven’t considered?
Deep breathing – whenever I start to freak out at the instability of it all, I take deep breaths!! Many of them.
Enjoying time with family and friends!

Monday starts a new week and who knows what it will bring. Until then it is the WEEKEND! Woo hoo….Enjoy…..

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^^^a bit of sunshine joy^^^

My Wednesdays…

A couple of months ago I changed from working full time to having Wednesdays off.  Oh, I love it!  In preparation for all of the extra time I would have, I bought canvasses to paint, fabrics to sew, and glass to mould in my kiln. I had dreams of spending the day taking photos, having a tidy and calm house, and feeling refreshed for the rest of the week. The projects I had in mind, oh the projects! Did I mention my vegie patch? And the exercise, all the exercise I was going to get. The possibilities…

The reality?

Well, I still adore Wednesday. Love it, LOVE it.

I do vaguely clean the house and do the washing (must go and put another load in right now).  And I do re-establish a sense of calm and order to our home and family. I generally get dinner organised early, and make a nice after school snack for the kids.

I try to work on my blog, and research ways of taking it further, as well as continuing my ongoing research into dyslexia and dyscalculia for our Max.

I even bought some great exercise gear from Geometry Active Wear (it is brilliant – really holds everything in!).

BUT…I haven’t taken any photos for ages, my fabric is untouched (and I have some great orange fabric for cushions in there!), my glass has not been taken out of the box, my kiln is cold, and my canvass is still stashed behind the chair in my bedroom. Vegie patch? Non-existent.

And today Arch is sick, so no school for him.  Instead I am sharing my day off with him, and taking him to the Doctor.

But I am patient.  I know my time will come. And when that time does come, I will be ready!

 

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^^^We are hanging out for warm days again…^^^

STOP. Slow down. More time please…

Easter was lovely.  And now I have this whole week off work, which has been really nice so far.

But the problem is that it is Wednesday already and I haven’t done anything!!  I wanted to do sewing and writing, painting (as in walls) and painting (as in canvases).

But I have done none of that.

I really want to.  But I just can’t be bothered.

Today I have done….well….I took one of the boys for a haircut and I did some washing.  Then I had a snooze on the couch.

And now, before I know it, it is time to put dinner on.

Where did the time go?

So, tomorrow I need to get some motivation and some energy to do some little projects to kick start me.

Maybe I just need to get off the computer…off Facebook…off Pinterest…off blogs…off craft sites…off Ebay….off my arse…and actually do something.

Hmmm, I’ll just wait and see….

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^^^ Enjoy your sunset wherever you are….

Breathe….

Breathe in for 3 and out for 6….am repeating this to myself at the moment.  It is just one of those times where there is a lot going on and it is easy to get overwhelmed.  I am generally wobbly physically, but can also get a bit wobbly emotionally!

In for 3…Out for 6…

It seems like it is such a busy time at the moment.  Kids have school things on such as camp, remembering which day they need to take sports uniforms, what day who goes where for soccer training, and the constant annoyance of doing the school lunchboxes.

Then add on parent teacher interviews, and an early pickup for 2 of them (I forgot last time, so have definately remembered this time!). And not to mention an after school detention to remember and pick up a bit later than normal. Grrr.

What day was Max’s drum lesson, Ed’s guitar and piano lessons, and Arch’s violin lesson???

Of course I am doing none of the running around as I work full time, but I need to make sure that we have organised people to do it.

And to top it off, Richard goes to America on Thursday for a bit over two weeks….

So a word of warning.  I will be late to work everyday for that 2 weeks so I can take the kids to school.  Homework may not be done. I may buy wine in bulk. We may have takeaway on nights other than Friday.

So my mantra at the moment is…

Breathe…In for 3…Out for 6…

I hope the Autumn weather keeps on being beautiful like this, and you may find the boys and I having our takeaway dinners down on the beach!

Beach

There is time…

I worry that I am getting old, and that my time is over, that I’ve missed the boat for many things that I want to do or achieve in my life.  Yes I do understand that this sounds ridiculous at 41 years of age.  But, in my defence, whilst I would love to do something like learn a new skill, do a dance class, learn an instrument, go back to Uni and finish my Fine Art degree, I feel that I can’t because I work full-time to contribute to mortgage, school fees and life in general.  I am not complaining about this, but that is the way it is.

And not just that.  I spent a lot of time and effort to get a Degree and Masters.  I want to put that to good use. I don’t want it to be a wasted effort.

But I have been given hope…

At work today I had the pleasure of attending a morning tea for a woman who is retiring.  She would like to keep working, but she has battled serious illness and cancer for the last 2 years, and has decided she wants to live life while she can, smell the rose and spend time with family. She is going to Antarctica in a couple of days time for 2 weeks and then travel to Chile and Argentina for the next 4 weeks. Brilliant.  She is incredibly knowledgeable and quite an amazing and inspiring person. As a Chaplain and a Counsellor, she has had such a positive impact on people’s lives, and even going as far as being life changing to some people.  Not many people can claim that! She is retiring after a very significant 21 years with our organisation.

So how old do you think she is?

She is 71!  That means she started her time at my work when she was 50.  This was a career and life change for her.  And as for the 71, I would have sworn she was only 60.  So maybe there is time for me yet.

I think I need to focus more on enjoying where I am, rather than trying to always rush to be somewhere else in my life. There will be time…

Again, a reminder that life is long, enjoy where you are rather than always looking to the next place to be…

That’s about as philosophical as I get!

To blog, or not to blog…

I love blogs. But not all blogs.

Blogging. It’s a weird thing. Do only other bloggers read your blog or do non-bloggers (aka normal people) read it too?? If only other bloggers read it, what’s the point? And I know bloggers are meant to be supportive of other bloggers (and specially women too. Actually, do men even blog??), but oh my god, some blogs are so boooring. And really, the grammar and punctuation, let alone the ability to turn a phrase, is…how do I put it…average…crappola…(yes I am a blog snob)…And if I read another blog giving their version of spag bol that their kids love, I will scream… or the highly controversial debate of it being ‘spag bol’, or ‘spag bog’…and please don’t tell me which one you think it is, because I don’t care!!

A woman I work with said to me…oh you write a blog, WHY?…Hmmm, why indeed?? That made me think about it. I don’t have a massive need to share every part of my life, but clearly I am very witty and undoubtably hilarious, and my children adorable (otherwise why would I show so many photos of them?). Let’s not forget sarcastic. But I blog because I love writing. I have loved writing since I could write. When I was 10 years old I was selected to go on a creative writing camp. Two kids from each school in the region were selected to go, and I was one of them. I loved it, and I will never forget it, even though it was 31 years ago (no, really??. Yes, really).

And I think blogging is an ego thing. Love a bit of feedback. Gotta love an ego boost. But if I ever get to the point of blogging about ‘spag bog’ vs ‘spag bol’, or publishing pics of a great ham sandwich I just made, please tell me to end it then and there (blogging, that is).

Though, don’t diss the recipe blog.  I love a good cooking blog.

Must go and plan my next blog…I leave you with a photos of my adorable children…well, just the youngest one actually, cos he is super cute…

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