boys

It’s that time again…

Every 6 months or so I find myself lamenting over time. I don’t mean lamenting for a period of time, I mean being amazed by how fast time is going, how I don’t have enough time, and if I do I don’t enough energy.  I don’t have enough time to do everything I want, and even then I really just want to lie on the couch and do nothing (whilst still complaining about not having any time).

So that time has come around again (boom tish).  And like everyone, I am stunned, astounded, amazed, and baffled about how FAST time has gone.  Not only this year…and this year has flown! But also as I look at a photo beside my bed of the boys when they were little, how fast the last few years have gone!

So let’s talk about this year first. 2013. Nearly 2014.  Can you believe it?  Whilst winter felt like it dragged on, it really has gone by with the click on the fingers. We are now planning for Christmas, trying to squeeze in end of year school events, and work Christmas parties.  This seems to be taking up all the time for the things I would really like to do: spend time with family and friends, and a bit of quiet time reflecting on the year that was, the year to come and being grateful for all that we have.  Sorry, no time for that!

So, now that I am stunned at how fast this year has gone, how about the last few years?? I cannot even begin to express how I feel (actually I can!) about having 2 boys in secondary school next year, and I think my little Arch must have bruises from me trying to grip him as hard as I can to keep him little.

I don’t feel like this all the time.  Usually I am very happy to move forward, and while I loved it when the boys were little, I really try and take some joy in their current age, whatever that may be (except for when they are being shitty – then you can have them). But it has just hit me.  My son is much taller than I am, and he is no longer allowed to get dressed in front of the heater (for everyone’s sake!), and before I know it they will be planning their life.

So what can I do to slow down time?  Not much.  Take deep breaths.  I know that I am usually in a hurry to move forward, so I am making an effort at home and at work, when people want to talk to me, I stop, push my key board away, and focus on the person.  Just because you can multi task, it doesn’t mean that you should.

I am making a real effort to spend time, even if it is just a sliver, on the things I really want to do, be it writing, sewing, photography, or some other such thing.

A girlfriend gave me a bit of advice at my wedding (which her Mum gave her), which was,don’t drink too much and stop every 15 minutes and just think back so you can savour and remember everything.  It is a great piece of advice, which I ignored, had a few drinks, and forgot to do my bridal waltz! So I will try and apply that advice now…

I don’t know if any if this will slow down time, but it might help!

Some pics of our life lately…

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what a fraud…

People often say to me “your kids are so lucky to have you as a Mum”. This is usually when I talk about what research I am doing and meetings I am having at school for Max and his dyslexia and dyscalculia. Or when I am talking about Ed and what I am doing to ignite his passions and capture his imagination. Or with Arch… I actually don’t know what I say about Arch or do for him, but he is pretty cute.

I am not saying this because I think I am a shit hot parent, but because I feel like a fraud. You don’t see me when I am tired and grumpy and get cranky at them for every little thing. Or say something to them that really needs to go in the bad parenting book (that is one thick book at my house people). Or just say ‘NO’ to everything purely because I cannot be bothered with the effort that goes with saying ‘yes’.

I do a lot of research on behalf of my children. I draw up charts of what they should be doing, and when they should do homework, practice music and develop their skills in artistic pursuits. But it really does stop there. I don’t get around to the actual ‘doing’ of it. I know my kids should be doing more activities (because we do none, not a one, zilch), but I like them hanging about all day Saturday in their pj’s. And I like not having plans on a weekend. Or after school.

I am the master of giving my kids a guilt complex. I think about when I am old and what my kids will say about me. I think it will be…’my Mum could make me feel so guilty that all she had to do was look at me in a disappointed way…’ And that was me tonight when I felt that one, or all, children did not appreciate me sufficiently. I did manage to make one tear up when I made him feel that perhaps he wasn’t valuing my skills in the home or workplace. And really, why should he give a shit about my skills in the workplace? Now that my friends, is a real skill!

So when friends or people at work say to me “He is so lucky to have you as a Mum”, I feel so guilty and point out to them that they don’t see all the terrible things that I do as a mother and they only hear the things that I am willing to put out there publicly…
Does anyone else do this or feel this way, or is it really just me who should be putting these things in the ‘bad mother book’? I might make some money from that book one day…either that, or go to jail…

full as a goog…

Wow my head has been full lately (which has made me absent from my beloved blog). Full of what? There are a few people (who may or may not be related to me) who would say ‘not much’!

But it’s true. My head is full.

Full of dyslexia and dyscalculia – so much time spend researching and trying to create ways to help him learn and show him that he has an ability rather than a disability).

Full of meetings with teachers and working out plans for the next year.

Full of work and going through a merger that leaves me see-sawing between ‘this sucks’ and ‘this will be great’. I’m sitting on the fence at the moment.

Full of trying to work out ways to get our house renovated before it falls down around our ears.

Full of trying to instil in the boys how important it is to have goals and be working towards something. Anything.

Full of just trying to get the boys ready for school before I go to work.

Full of working out how to fulfil my own personal goals and feed my creative outlets and needs.

Full of trying to get a vegie patch going that I haven’t looked at for 3 weeks.

Full of trying to be an involved mother who is creating memories and a strong value base within my children.

Full of trying to get the motivation to start exercising and lose weight (this is on my mind more than I would like. It looks like I will actually have to exercise! OMG).

Full of worrying about those 3 boys, and their health, wellbeing and happiness.

So full, that sometimes I have to pull the plug and let it all empty out. I think that now is one of those times. Drain all the thinking, and let it just be…

Phew…

 

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^^^Time for another outing I think…